'Giving widows a pension isn't enough': UK's first tri-service bereavement hub launched
A widow has shared her hopes for a brighter future for the grieving military community following the launch of the UK's first-ever tri-service Armed Forces bereavement hub.
Jilly Carrell, founder of Beyond The Wire, a not-for-profit aiming to improve the lives of the Armed Forces bereaved community, was determined to set up the hub to help others after her own harrowing experience following the death of her serving husband Colonel Nick Carrell in 2021.
Speaking to BFBS Forces News, she said: "We are trying to create a connected and compassionate community where anybody who's touched by military loss feels supported and understood.
"Just giving somebody a pension and moving them on is not enough, particularly for children and young people who are losing their whole way of being and their identity."
Mrs Carrell's husband Nick was diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma just six weeks into the Covid pandemic lockdown.
After six tours of Afghanistan, the family were left shocked by this diagnosis, having always "had half an eye on the fact that he may not come home" from Operation Herrick.
Within 10 months, the cancer had spread so far that it could no longer be treated.
Their daughters were just 13 and 15 when their father died.
Suddenly, everything changed and the Carrell family felt adrift.
Mrs Carrell believes there is much discussion about support for veterans during the transition process, but not enough for bereaved families.
Lost at sea without their anchor
Following her husband's death, they were required to leave their quarters and the children lost their Continuity of Education Allowance during their GCSEs, a crucial stage of their schooling.
The family soon realised that, as a bereaved military family, they hadn't just lost their favourite person, they'd lost their home, school, peer groups, access to a community that understood them and their identity.
She said: "I found that the girls and I, three months after Nick had died, we just didn't quite know where to go, where to be, whether we were military anymore.
"We had our visiting officer for six weeks and then she was reassigned, which is not long enough for a family to transition effectively."
A 'one stop shop' for the bereaved
For all widows thinking, "I don't know where to start", the hub will bring together trusted information, guidance and support in one place in the hope that those grieving will feel less alone.
Mrs Carrell says creating the bereavement hub has felt like "birthing an elephant".
She has felt frustrated, frightened and lonely but was incredibly moved by the amount of support she received.
She said: "Speaking truth to power is actually a very difficult thing to do when you're feeling emotionally marginalised."
Beyond The Wire and the bereavement hub all stem from a frustrated LinkedIn post by Mrs Carrell two years ago.
Above an incredibly touching video of the moment Col Carrell returned from Kabul after eight months away, Mrs Carrell shared her frustrations at what she and her daughters had faced after his death.
She writes: "I learned that after two weeks, no one from the MOD calls, that they think when they've handed you a purple pack and an indecent pension that they have 'extracted from the bereaved family as clinically as possible', their words not mine."
Within six weeks, she had received 3,000 messages from members of the Armed Forces community who had experienced loss as far back as the Falklands conflict, saying more needed to be done for bereaved families.
Time to take action
She said: "I did a lot of shouting from the rooftops and ruffling of feathers and talking to John Healey and Luke Pollard and lots of other senior people.
"I'm sure they were hoping I'd stop it and go away, but I didn't."
And so, thanks also to a group of volunteers, funding by the Veterans' Foundation, collaborations with other charities plus support from the Defence Medical Welfare Service and GPs and in partnership with the Andrew Simpson Foundation, the bereavement hub has now been launched for anyone who needs support.
People like her daughters, Scarlett and Beatrice.
Mrs Carrell says everything she has done to set up Beyond The Wire and the bereavement hub is for them and for other children going through the same turmoil.
She promises to continue campaigning and lobbying for military bereaved children and to "never underestimate the courage that it takes to keep moving forward after such a life changing loss".
On the day of the launch, Mrs Carrell's children shared their thoughts with her, saying: "Wherever daddy is, he's rolling his eyes and laughing at the same time but we just want you to know that you've given us the vision that we can go on and that life can take a different shape."
Mrs Carrell hopes the bereavement hub will do the same for other families, no matter how long ago their loved one died.
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