Fun

23 Military Jokes: So Bad They Are Good!

The difference between a good and bad joke is often very little. Each has the power to make us laugh. Some of the most famous comedians in the UK have made careers out of playing to full arenas with little more than deadpan gags. In 2019, Olaf Falafel won the Funniest Joke of The Fringe award with a brilliant short quip:

"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets".

And so, BFBS thought it was about time we rooted out the very worst of the naff jokes that exist about the Armed Forces. Some of these jokes are so bad they are so good. Prepare yourself ...

Take a look. Oh, and try not to strain your face too much with all that eye-rolling you are bound to do. Enjoy!

Poking Fun At Everyone

Three members of the Armed Forces find a scorpion in their tent … The Royal Marine kills the scorpion. The soldier picks up a radio and reports the presence of the scorpion. The RAF officer calls the front desk and asks why there's a tent in his room.

Why do military personnel often marry lovers from the foreign countries in which they are deployed? Because when they finally come home, they get to leave their in-laws thousands of miles away.

"My friend is so successful! He does surgery, is a General, and was recently knighted by the Queen. We call him SirGen."

Question: What do you call a shipment full of military-issued T-Rexes? Answer: Small arms.

Royal Navy Fun - Ha!

Why could the sailors not play cards? The captain was sitting on the deck.

"I'm about to lose my job in the Royal Navy unless I make some drastic changes… I have to take a course in anchor management."

My dad said he joined the Royal Navy out of spite. He was a petty officer.

fill your boots — Credit: Fill Your Boots.

Some Aimed At The Royal Marines. Sorry guys.

What do you call a Royal Marine who can read and write? "Sir!"

What do you call a Royal Marine with an IQ of 160? A platoon.

How do you keep a Royal Marine happy in his old age? Tell him a joke when he is young.

joke graphic of loudspeaker on white background.

Army Personnel Getting The Brunt Of It ...

Why do Twitter users make bad soldiers? They are too quick to retweet.

What do you call a high-ranking officer who hates recycling? General Waste

What do you get when you drop a piano on a British Army officer? A-flat Major.

My friend asked why I would not tell him my military rank. I told him it's Private.

An off-duty soldier took a train. When the train reached its first stop, a general walked in, and the soldier stood up. The General said, "At ease soldier, sit down." The train reached its second stop, again the soldier stood up, and the General once again said, "At ease soldier, sit down." When the train reached its third stop, again, the soldier stood up. This time, the General looked at him and said, "You don't have to salute every time we reach a stop." The soldier replied, "I want to get off, I missed my stop 2 stations ago."

What do you call a soldier who never made it past boot camp? A Police Officer.

An Aussie soldier and an American soldier are pinned down in a firefight. The Aussie gets up and begins flailing his arms and laughing. When he gets back in the foxhole, the American says: "Did you come here to die?" The Aussie responds, "Nah, I came here yesterday."

Two low ranking soldiers were talking … It was a private conversation.